Like brain damage. Have you always felt like you do right now? English - USA Nov 9, 2013 #2 It is a mistake. I am re-writing this page 4½ years after the site was started. I know what it is like to feel there is no hope left. I Love a Girl Who Swears, Backed by Science, 1 Simple Trick to Deal with Pain That Nobody Tells You, You Will Always Suck at What You Do, Until You Do This, 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing To Be More Productive, Backed By Science, Random acts of kindness can change a person’s life in many instances. Ignore what society is urging you to do. They don’t understand that I have a family to feed, mortgages to pay, deadlines to meet. Some of them I poured too much water and some I gave very little. Start-up founders often ask to pick my brain. A random act of kindness can change someone’s life, but it can also destroy one too. Your kindness can hurt people too, in some instances. What constitutes a group is not set in stone - does not need to be a big group, but there is something about multiple people interacting that can be much stronger than just being with people one-on-one. The chances are, there were times in your life when you did not. ‘Some’ here conveys a feeling of wanting an affirmative reply. I believe there are common themes of what people need to live (over and above physical health, a subsistence wage, food, heat, light etc. But of course, if what we really want is to feel OK, happy, loving and loved, then death is not an option to achieve those. Less drama, more time for myself. They never let me touch a plant again. It is probably also fair to say, that for these people, given a choice between feeling great about themselves and life generally, or dying, they would probably choose the former. A few years ago, my parents were out of the country and asked me to look after their house. But I checked out on Google and saw that some others people made the same mistake so I just want to be sure; Is it a mistake right? You don’t have the time to help everyone, only help people who deserve your help. My mother taught me never to give unsolicited advice, nor try to help anyone unless they ask you for it. If they cannot afford you, ask for a free booth, time to promote your business or maybe free tickets to the conference. But here's the thing - even if you don't think there is a solution to your problems right now, that does not mean it does not exist. It probably means you are past caring about anybody or anything, and don't believe it's possible to change how you feel right now. We were taught helping people is the right thing to do. Offering someone help when you are not ready to help is a big no-no. They are available to pretty much anyone. I always thought that maybe she was just cold. If you help the wrong people, you can miss the opportunities to help the right people. And there is the bad in good. In the next month, and every month thereafter, over 16 million people will do a Google search on the word suicide. You make people miss the opportunities to find better help. My team spent a few days analyzing all the data and trends to figure out what the problems were. We all need to strive to find the right balance between the two. If I didn’t offer to help, someone who knows how to take care of plants would have done it, and my father’s precious plants would be alive today. My mother is one of the kindest people in my life. A good chunk of the others will end up in hospital, in pain. But that also means that something can change to get you away from where you are now. In the past, quite a lot of times people would invite me out for coffee just to “pick my brain.” If you have a few million dollars in the bank from VCs, rummaging through my brain for free is not acceptable, especially if you didn’t even bother paying for my tea. As I get older, I have started to realize that she was right. I have done this so many times, and until today I still regret doing it. Society always emphasizes on the need to help people. Leaving aside for now those that are terminally ill, it is probably fair to say that most people who are considering killing themselves due to emotional problems, or intolerable life circumstances, have not always felt that way. It’s not necessarily the worst idea to help people, The 6 best approaches for handling major change, A Simple Philosophy for a Happy Life — From a Dying 17-Year-Old, The Simple Reason Silver Medal Winners Oddly Appear Incredibly Sad, Why Shame Stifles Creativity and How to Unwrap the Gift of Curiosity, Why I Chose to Kick Booze to the Curb (Hint: It isn’t alcoholism), Imagining A World Where No One Makes Mistakes, Three Things I’ve Learned Since Graduating. When you wish somebody to help you, you should say ‘can somebody help me’. BY CAMMI PHAM — First appeared on my personal blog. It is normal. One of the easiest ways to destroy a relationship is by offering help that you can’t deliver. To not be able to face the rest of your life. People take me more seriously. For example, it will be better to ask ‘ do you have some tea’ if you really hope ‘you’ can offer you some tea. I am glad you are reading this, because if you are, it means that at least some part of you believes there is a chance you can be helped. But we use 2 instead if we are making a statement like 'I don't think anyone could help me' which means not a person can help you, it doesn't matter who. Same as, not everything is good. I write it with the benefit of email and feedback from the millions that have visited the website. We all want to feel great and happy. Sometimes you have to be selfish and put yourself before anyone else. Next time if someone asks you to speak at their conference for free, don’t agree before you negotiate for the best deal. Now I simply tell people my hourly rate and take out my Square. It would be nice if big emotional problems had simple fixes, but that is rarely the case. I realize how difficult it is to run a start-up, I run one myself. A: Stop standing there! So I write this on new year's eve 2009. Yes, 16 million, so trust me, you are not alone feeling like you do. A month later when my parents came back, all the plants had died. Offering help when you can’t do a good job will do more harm than good. We told the client what they didn’t want to hear. People think about committing suicide as a solution to a problem they see no solution to. I hope you can spare a couple more minutes to read to the end of this page. Not everything is bad. Sometimes all the therapy and medications in the world just won't work if people can't feel part of a group. But a lot of the time, people are not ready to accept my help. It will show whether they are serious about having you be present at their conference. I stopped helping people who don’t want my help. If you can't, please at least read Surviving today before you go back to looking at ways to kill yourself. And in the end, we made someone hate us for giving our professional opinion. Over 1 million will succeed. My mother taught me never to give unsolicited advice, nor try to help anyone unless they ask you for it. So is it possible to get these four things? At the end of the day, everything can be good or bad. instead of "can anyone help me?" These are tough sons of bitches to shift, and even if they are shifting, those shifts can be so small it is hard to notice them. Which means something in your life changed to get you where you are now. Well, they aren't the most impossible things in life. When I offer someone my help, I actually want to help. I know because I felt it myself, and I am truly sorry you are in that place. They don’t realize that in order to make time for coffee, I would have to compensate for that lost time and stay up until 2 in the morning just to work. W. waltern Senior Member. Random acts of kindness can change a person’s life in many instances. So what can help? The question is, whether you believe it enough to make some effort on getting them. However, there is a flip side to every coin. Yes, it’s harsh, but it makes my life easier and I am happier for it. I always thought that maybe she was just cold. I do it too. It just means that you can't see it right now. You need to unlearn this popular belief. There is the good in bad. ): If a magic wand could be waved and you had these four things right now, the chances of you srill feeling suicidal would be quite small. Everything takes time to change and most people don’t want it. Thanks a lot . They tell you that you should help people unconditionally and when they least expect it. We did it because we cared about the client’s success. It might be a bit strange to say ‘ can anybody help me’ because you do want to be helped. We showed the client our findings, and they fired us on the spot. I think we should say 1, because we are expecting someone who knows how to solve the problem, not eveyone, it's specific. However, I have stopped offering my knowledge for free. Same as, not everything is good. People will always try to exploit you if you allow them to. My team found some serious problems with the client’s business model and strategy. I wrote "does anyone can help me?" As with all big problems though, the road to overcoming them starts with small steps. Think before you help. On this site, that step is to read Surviving today, so please do. But you never know when that sort of philosophy could hurt you. Maybe committing suicide seems easy by comparison. Think for a minute. People that can help us. For people that have been struggling with emotional problems for years, perhaps sought and had all types of treatments - from therapy to medications - it is easy to see how they could lose hope that anything will make a difference. Not everything is bad. Death only becomes attractive once we lose hope that we can ever feel OK again. We lost an account because we tried to help. If you don’t, it has the potential to cost you your time, your money and the relationships you hold dear to yourself (personal or professional). I don’t know how to water the plants at all. I help people, regardless of the fact that they asked for it or not. Always think it through carefully, before you offer to help someone else. We did something out of compassion for our client. It’s like being blind and teaching someone else how to paint. This is the most critical one. Even if you had a major physical or situational issue in your life. And there is the bad in good. That wasn’t part of our retainer and I didn’t bill them. And it is essential not to mask the other half of the impact of any such gesture. None of that is, of course, wrong. And here are the 3 cases where I personally stopped helping people and recommend that you should too: It’s not always an easy thing to do.